the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize