no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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