i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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