so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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