Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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