I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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