i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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