I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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