i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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