Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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