Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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