if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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