wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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