Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize