If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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