Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize