she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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