i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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