The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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