I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize