That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize