why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize