Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize