Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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