You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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