my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
as a side note pls kill me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize