Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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