I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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