do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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