Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize