Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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