Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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