walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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