Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize