just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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