I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize