i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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