I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You dont lie about slip and slides
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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