No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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