is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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