6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize