Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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