We're facebook friends in real life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize