he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize