So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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