life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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