I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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