just tell him i said nine months
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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