Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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