he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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